all’s well that ends
When I was 7 years old I had two imaginary friends, Tommy and Lonny. I spent a lot of time with them, and they made it easier to be alone at recess.
When I was 9 years old, my Grandpa Kenny died. That night, an angel floated into my room and told me he had gone to Heaven.
When I was 15 years old I had emergency brain surgery. 50 years ago it would’ve been a death sentence, but Dr Lee saved my life. I think, “it’s amazing, that I was born in 1997. And Dr. Lee went to medical school, and finished in time to be my surgeon.”
Imaginary friends, angels, fate.
I sometimes think of these objects as “thunder jackets.” Like what you would make a nervous dog wear on the 4th of July. It’s nice to see how much our minds will do to soften the world we live in. To wrap us up in a blanket, and keep us warm.
In 2020, sitting in a North Carolina Forest, I came to know another thunder jacket; seasons.
Beginning in September, and lasting until the following June, I would go once a week for a walk in the forest near my house. Every Sunday afternoon, I went to Harris Teeter, bought a Ginger beer, and took the same path to the same rock overlooking the same magical stream.
I watched the trees turn, and get tired. Their leaves died, and the grass around them too. I thought it was sad, but couldn’t tell if the trees felt that way. It snowed once, and then everything was muddy. The stream changed to a trickle, then, at each rain, came roaring back.
It was 2020, and this was what I needed. To see the entire world change. To know that reality happens outside of my head.
I still think about seasons a lot. It’s been useful in therapy, for me, to feel emotions come and go. To know that now is not forever, good or bad. That fighting a change is like keeping the leaves from falling.
Generally, where I once reached for “balance” I now look for the cycles. Where am I, and what’s happening next.
I think this, in part, is why seasons are celebrated. Just like, “it’s amazing that we live on a planet with seasons. That the earth reminds us to change, and shows us how.”